WORST
BANK
EVER
The only bank that's 100% honest about losing your money. No hidden fees — we put them right in your face. Deposit today, broke tomorrow.
Deposit Your Money
Transfer your hard-earned savings into our definitely-secure vault. We promise to look at it.
Result: money exists (briefly)We Apply Our Fees
Deposit fee, holding fee, breathing fee, Tuesday fee, and our proprietary "lol fee." Very standard.
Result: -40% immediatelyWatch It Go Down
Our world-class algorithm invests in the worst possible assets. We have a gift for this.
Result: -99% over timeCry & Repeat
Account now shows $0. Deposit again for the full experience. Some customers do this 7 times.
Result: character growthGuaranteed Loss
We literally guarantee your balance will go down. It's in the Terms & Conditions (page 847).
Infinite Fees
Fee for opening. Fee for closing. Fee for checking your balance. Fee for the fee.
Radical Honesty
We're the only bank that tells you upfront: your money is going bye-bye. Respect, right?
Investment Strategy
Our traders invest in whatever is trending down. We are very consistent at being wrong.
Real-Time Loss Tracker
Watch your balance decrease in real time with our premium dashboard. Very immersive.
FDIC Insured*
*We are not FDIC insured. The asterisk was a fee. You've been charged for reading this.
I deposited $10,000 on Monday. By Wednesday I had $47. By Friday, they charged me a "Wednesday Fee" retroactively. Incredible.
Two stars because the app works great. It just shows me a very smooth, animated graph of my money going to zero. Very polished product.
I called customer support. They put me on hold for 3 hours. There was a "hold fee." They then hung up. I respect the commitment.
READY TO LOSE
EVERYTHING?
Join 420,069 customers who have already given us their money. Most of them are fine. (They are not fine.)
By signing up you agree to lose your money, your dignity, and your faith in financial institutions. No refunds. This is not financial advice. Actually it's the opposite of financial advice.